Where You Come From Matters — And It Isn’t a Place

I was on the train a few weeks ago, returning from a lovely visit with my dad in Ottawa, and I was boarding the train and just ahead of me in the aisle were an older couple. Now I say older, though truthfully they probably weren’t that much older than I’ll be soon enough, but they felt older to me in that moment.

Anyways, the point is that they weren’t speedy or agile, and so were taking a bit of time getting their luggage situated. When they noticed I was in the aisle waiting, their zipping and tripping became frantic, which of course, didn’t help at all with them going faster, slow down to speed up. I thought Don’t worry about what others think about you. Focus on what you want, in this case to get settled, not what you don’t want like annoying the other passengers, in this case me. As they looked back over their shoulder and smiled at me apologetically, I smiled back and told them not to worry. The train wasn’t going to depart any sooner because I got to my seat faster. They were visibly relieved. They went on to remark that no one in London would ever have been as kind and courteous as I had been, would ever have been as kind and courteous as I had been no one in all of London, really. They told me they had been traveling for three weeks and were on their way home. We exchanged a few more niceties and I made my way back to my seat a few rows back. I felt good that I was able to help them not feel so stressed, especially after what I learned had been a long trip away. Isn’t it funny that, no matter how far you might have traveled on your journey, that last leg of the trip home always seems the longest.

Anyways, I sat down in my seat and I reflected on what they had said to me, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt something rising inside of me that well, that needed to be spoken. It would have been so easy to have ignored it and complied with the well unspoken conventions of travel etiquette or talking to strangers, but the voice of my inner agent. It’s far stronger than the warnings of my inner critic that were trying to hold me back. It was only a few minutes when I decided not to resist the urge and chose instead to follow my inner voice. It was worth risking judgment, because it felt important, important to clarify something that I was concerned might have been assumed or misinterpreted. Hello again, I said, leaning now over their seat, back where they were now sitting, still wiping their brows now, but visibly relieved to be somewhat settled.

I’m sure that when you go back to the UK you’ll mention the very nice Canadian girl you encountered on the train from Ottawa. Oh yes, they nodded in agreement, absolutely. Well, here’s the thing. I went on to tell them that I’m a dual citizen of Canada and the United States and that I wanted to be clear that being Canadian has nothing to do with how nice I am. Had we met in New York City, I went on to say our encounter would have been the same. You see, it isn’t about a country or where somebody is from. It’s about where a person comes from on the inside. The nice girl you met on the train is Lisa. I wish them a safe rest of their trip back and took my seat again.

I’ve never felt comfortable with assumptions, good or otherwise, that are made about people, this incessant need to assign meaning to why someone is the way they are instead of simply meeting them where they’re at. It’s automatic and it robs us of a gift. If we become more able to respond to and experience each person as an individual, we begin to realize that we’re all connected, that every person we encounter is a fellow passenger in life’s journey, doing the best they can, just like we are in the very same world we all navigate each day. It was my value, not my citizenship, that shone through that day in my interaction with my new friends on the train.

Now, keep in mind that I might not have said anything at all, either while standing in the aisle or returning to speak to them later again, and guess what? We all would have arrived at our destinations. The train would still have stopped at all the stations. But by leading with my values then, I’ve created a space for reflection now for myself, for them and, who knows, maybe even for you right now, dear listener. In any case, it’s a powerful reminder that, no matter where you go, showing up from where you truly come from matters, because that place not only travels with you, it can move others in new directions.

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