Never Assume That It Goes Without Saying: Love Out Loud
I’ve been thinking a lot about the expression. It goes without saying it’s a funny one, it goes without saying. Does it really go without saying? I mean, is it ever a good idea to assume that people know how we feel, that it’s obvious enough and doesn’t need repeating? What conclusions are we making when people don’t respond to our feelings as we expected because we assumed that they already knew how we felt? Have you ever said something you regretted in the heat of the moment and then just assumed the other person knew you didn’t mean it, maybe even opting out of apologizing, taking for granted that it is understood that you didn’t mean it at all?
This emotional shortcut has led to much unnecessary disconnection. At a certain point in relationships, both personal and professional, we stop expressing how we feel and simply assume that it’s known. Instead, an assumption is defined as a willingness to accept something is true without question or proof. So how many things then? How many things that we assume are obvious or go without saying don’t actually go at all? They’re lost in the translation or the lack of translation. And even if the feelings are mutual or understood, what opportunities are we missing for deeper, more meaningful connection in our relationships when we opt not to say it or express it out loud and reinforce the sentiment.
Take a moment to think about the things in your life that you assume or even expect to go without saying. I’ll go first. It goes without saying that I love my daughter unconditionally. It goes without saying that I am grateful for my family and it goes without saying that I’m proud of my friend. But wait a second. If I’m assuming that it goes without saying, what am I missing when I think about my daughter? What can I grow and share and expand and increase in our connection by telling her I love you unconditionally? Gratitude for family. Well, I hear it over and over again. People tell me I’m so grateful for my family, my family means so much to me. But how many of us actually say it to our family? And it goes without saying that I’m proud of you. But does it? You know, my dad recently told me that he was proud of me. You know, my dad recently told me that he was proud of me. He didn’t need to say it because it goes without saying, doesn’t it? Well, I don’t know. I mean, I hope that he’s proud of me and I look for signs that he’s proud of me. But boy oh boy, when he told me unequivocally how proud of me he is, he just can’t replace that. It does not go without saying. Don’t let these things go without saying, my friends. Think about it. Don’t cheat yourself of the beautiful connection available to you.
By saying how you feel, by being clear, by never assuming that people know how you feel, how might you demonstrate what is already known in a different light? Maybe you’ve said I love you a million times in the same way, but it starts to feel no different when you say times in the same way, but it starts to feel no different when you say I love you, as if you said I’m tired. Same tone, same tenor, same energy, or I’m hungry, I’m bored. In fact, I’ve heard people say I’m hungry with a lot more passion than I love you. Oh, I’m so hungry. And then there’s I hate you or I hate that. Well, hate seems to elicit a more intense physical response, doesn’t it? I hate it when that happens. When someone does that, I mean, I can feel it. It’s visceral and it’s effective in matching the physical feeling with the sentiment. But when was the last time you actually felt love or a positive feeling, pride, when you expressed it for someone you love or for yourself. That feeling of being proud, it’s reciprocal. When you tell someone that you’re proud of them, it makes you feel good. If you really feel it, it will come back at you. It’s an energetic exchange. And you know what I have found more connection with people when they say to me I appreciate you than I love you.
It’s said so often I love you starts to lose its power, especially when it’s not felt, or especially when it’s assumed that it goes without saying. What if your partner, who always says I love you at the end of a phone call or always kisses you goodnight and says I love you, said I appreciate you instead? What are other ways that we can express how we feel so that it does not go without saying or that we say it by rote? It goes without saying that I am grateful for you for listening, dear listener, but does it? How would you know that if I did not say it? And it does not go without saying that you’re enjoying this.
Why not send a message? Why not engage? Why not tell me that you’re enjoying this? Why not send a message? Why not engage? Why not tell me that you’re enjoying this? That’s my challenge to you, not because I want you to reach out and listen to the podcast tell me how great it is, but to practice, not assuming that it goes without saying. I promise you, my friends, that by saying that you like somebody, by saying that you were impressed by something, by saying that you feel a certain way in all aspects of your life, with those you love, with those that maybe you feel for granted without realizing it and, for goodness sake, for yourself, it does not go without saying.
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Editor's Note: At StageLync, an international platform for the performing arts, we celebrate the diversity of our writers' backgrounds. We recognize and support their choice to use either American or British English in their articles, respecting their individual preferences and origins. This policy allows us to embrace a wide range of linguistic expressions, enriching our content and reflecting the global nature of our community.
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